I find that it’s easier to keep your true self buried under several layers of untrue selves, to protect yourself.
#that’s it #that’s the entire character #’you can’t pick fights with people three times your size t hey’re gonna pummel you’ #’WE’LL SEE’ #’you can’t join the army steve #you’ll die #’you can’t go beyond enemy lines to rescue your friend steve it’s suicide #’you can’t save your brainwashed boyfriend he’s going to kill you’ #on va voir: an autobiography by steve grant rogers #’i didn’t sign up for this: a foreword by natasha romanoff’ (x)
#he’s still a punk: an introduction by bucky barnes
Absurdly long 2,500-word-plus goofy-sex scene: done.
Still to write: probably absurdly long vaguely mildly rough and tumble-sex scene, flashbacks, and gratuitous Bucky-centered puppy pile.
IDEK with this fandom. I really don’t.
Also still to do: post my Club Vivid vid, which hasn’t been a burning issue since it’s kind of a fandom of two. Not that I feel like there’s much point to the other stuff, but at least it will be complete.
Also also need to remaster my first Captain America: The Winter Soldier vid Shelter now that there’s good source.
Of course, everything’s contingent upon being able to get out of bed.
Somewhere in the first dozen or so viewings of Captain America: The Winter Soldier, I noticed that Steve’s face when he first sees the Insight helicarriers looked a lot like his face when he saw the bombs in Schmidt’s flying wing plane in Captain America: The First Avenger. I watched them back to back recently and was reminded of this. Even with his helmet on, you can clearly see Steve’s shock and dismay in the first photo. His face in the second one is not the face of someone thinking, Gee, that’s a lot of cool firepower. It’s the face of someone who, not that many years ago for him, saw something very similar and deadly, targeted to cities in his own country. Something that he died trying to stop. It’s not the helicarrier from The Avengers he’s thinking about here — it’s the Red Skull’s plane that would have killed a lot of Steve’s own countrymen and women. And the more Fury talks about how great these next-gen helicarriers are, the more agitated Steve becomes, because, as he says, “this is fear.” He’s disgusted by the fact that his own side is doing something that’s pretty damn close to what he went to his death to prevent. Everything he does afterward — his visit to the exhibit, his conversation with Peggy, his confession to Sam — reflects what’s going through his mind here, what he remembers from the end of the war, trying to figure out where he fits in a world where this kind of thing is possible again. And he’s probably terrified that he’s going to have lay down his life again to prevent innocent people from being targeted. Which is of course exactly what happens. Man, fuck these movies and fuck these characters — I did not sign up for so much pain.
“It reminded me of someone suffering from Alzheimer’s, and I had a chance to see that very up close and personal in someone I knew. That’s what that scene was. Watching someone go through Alzheimer’s you see them struggle to understand why they’re feeling what they’re feeling. They have glimpses of things they don’t completely get, so they’re very confused. They’re also extremely violent, they can be very violent. They can go from ‘You’re familiar’ to ‘You’re a threat to me’ - immediately. It’s hard. I just thought, for me, that character, when I was reading him on paper, very much reminded me of someone who, unfortunately, was struggling to understand what he feels and what he’s thinking.” ‒ Sebastian Stan
Joe Russo: Our process a lot of times is film geekdom and I think it was Stravinsky who said, “Good musicians don’t borrow, they steal.” Well, we steal a lot. And this is Han Solo in The Empire Strikes Back getting tortured. I remember being eleven or twelve in the theater watching him scream as they walked away and thinking, “Oh my God, that’s horrifying.”
Anthony Russo: Our innovation was to remove his shirt.
- Captain America: The Winter Soldier Blu-ray Audio Commentary